Every year, Father’s Day well-wishes thank dads for being strong and dependable.
You’ll see thousands of Father’s Day messages celebrating the selfless heroes who always put everyone else first. And rightly so.
But this Father’s Day, we’d like to honour the quotes that made him the man he became. And that have, decades later, made it harder for him to stay healthy and independent at home.
‘Don’t make a fuss.’
Your father could dislocate a shoulder, drive himself to the hospital, get it popped back in without any pain medication and then still apologise for taking up a parking space.
His generation learned that drawing attention to yourself was poor form. God knows why.
But unfortunately, illnesses and ailments don’t respond particularly well to good manners. So, if your dad’s suddenly saying ‘it’s nothing’ – duly note that our eyebrows are most certainly raised, and we will be investigating the matter further.
‘Waste not, want not.’
It’s why he still owns screws from 1987. And six extension cords that ‘might come in handy’ should something like electricity theft become a necessity.
But this admirable thrift can become a problem when it extends to health.
Skipping hearing aids because they’re ‘too expensive’. Avoiding cleaners because he can do it well enough himself, thank you very much. Refusing help because someone else might need it more. It all becomes rather dreary when the same sentiment is repeated a few million times from someone you care about.
That’s why it becomes all the more important to remind such cases that spending money isn’t wasteful when it’s going towards a comfortable future – one that you’ve well earned, mind you.
‘She’ll be right.’
Australia’s favourite phrase, which is sometimes wonderfully reassuring but oftentimes catastrophically optimistic.
The trouble with ‘she’ll be right’ is that, sometimes, she is not right.
Let’s not forget that mental health hasn’t always been dinner-table conversation, exactly. Many older men can tell you the torque settings on a Holden V8, but couldn’t describe anxiety if it was sitting beside them.
Grief, isolation and depression often arrive disguised as tiredness or silence. So, sometimes asking, ‘How are you, really?’ is far more important than just asking, ‘How’s your knee?’
‘If you want something done properly, you’ve got to do it yourself.’
Well, we find this particular motto personally offensive.
Why must Dad still insist on climbing the ladder to clean the gutters when there are perfectly capable gutter cleaners directly below him on the family tree? What else are the children really for, after all? In a similar fashion, we wonder why he must continue to drive when it is far more chic to sit in the back while being chauffeured around to one’s scheduled appearances.
Many older men built their entire sense of worth around being useful. So, when moving the lawn or fixing the fence becomes difficult, it feels like losing part of themselves.
We like to view it more as a promotion. Surely we can all agree that the title of project manager is just as respectable as any other. And no one said he couldn’t still hold the ladder, for goodness’ sake.
‘The kids have got their own lives.’
Many parents spend decades teaching their children to become independent.
Then, when they succeed, Mum and Dad become reluctant to ask for anything. There is likely some psychology to that that we could delve into, but we digress.
Parents are proud of their children for being busy. So far be it from them to interrupt the lives the kids have built for themselves – even to ask for a favour. God forbid they become a ‘burden’.
But what parents often forget is that they’ve spent just as long encouraging their children to ask for help when they need it. And, really, a parent’s main job is to set a good example. So pull up your bootstraps and ask for help yourselves, Mum and Dad!
Need a team that speaks your dad’s language to support him this Father’s Day? Acquaint provides thoughtful aged care at home across Melbourne. Get in touch to learn more.
